孤云独去闲one is not presently engaged. Desire may or may not lead to romantic love (which
the authors equate with passionate or erotic low). Regan and Berscheid suggest that
desire is an essential ingredient for initiating and maintaining romantic love. If desire disappears, a person is no longer said to be in a state of romantic love. Once desire
diminishes, disappointed lovers may wonder where the "spark" in their relationship has gone and may reminisce regretfully (and longingly) about "the good old days".
11里根和波谢德(1999)曾把贪欲、性欲和浪漫的爱加以区分。他们把贪欲描述为身体上的而非情感上的兴奋，是一种有意识的或无意识的状态。相反性欲是一种心理状态，在这种心理状态下，一个人想建立一种目前还不具有的恋爱关系，或者是想进行一种目前还没有进行的行为。性欲可能会成为或不会成为浪漫的爱情(作者把浪漫的爱情等同于充满激情或性欲的爱)。里根和波谢德认为：性欲是点燃并维持浪漫爱情的必要成分。一旦性爱消失了，一个人就不能再说成是还处在浪漫恋情中。一旦欲望消失了，失望的恋人就会诧异原来他们关系中的“火花”去哪儿了，他们可能会很遗憾地(而且渴望地)怀念“过去的美好时光”。
12 One should not conclude, however, that desire always culminates in physical intimacy or that desire is the same as romantic love. Married partners may love each other even though they rarely, or never, engage in physical intimacy. In addition, there are some notable differences between love- especially long-term love- and romantic love. Healthy loving
relationships, whether physical or not (such as love for family members), reflect a balance of caring, intimacy, and commitment.
12然而，我们不应就此得出性欲总是以身体的亲密接触告终，或性与浪漫爱情是同一回事的结论。结了婚的伴侣们可以深爱对方，即使很少或从来没有身体的亲密接触。此外，爱，尤其是长期的爱，和浪漫的爱是有很大区别的。健康的恋爱关系，不管它们是有性的或是无性的(比如对家人的爱)都反映了关怀、亲密和忠诚的平衡。
