孤云独去闲6 In any type of love, caring about the other person is essential. Although love may, involve passionate yearning, respect is a more important quality. Respect is inherent in all love: "I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me." If respect and caring are missing, the relationship is not based on love. Instead, it is an unhealthy or possessive dependency that limits the lovers' social, emotional, and intellectual growth.
6不管是哪种类型的爱，关心另一方是非常必要的。虽然爱可能包含激情的渴望，然而相互尊重才是更重要的品质。相互尊重是所有爱的共性：“我想要我爱的人为他自己成长发展，并且用他自己的方式，而不是为了迎合我。”如果没有尊重和关怀，两人的关系就不是建立在爱的基础上；反而成为一种不健康的或者是具有占有欲的依赖，而这会限制爱的双方在社会、情感和智力方面的发展。
7 Love, especially long-term love, has nothing in common with the images of love or .frenzied sex that we get from Hollywood, television, and romance novels. Because of these images, many people believe a variety of myths about love. These misconceptions often lead to unrealistic expectations, stereotypes, and disillusionment. In fact, "real" love is closer to what one author called "stirring-the-oatmeal love" (Johnson 1985). This type of love is neither exciting nor thrilling but is relatively mundane and unromantic. It means paying bills, putting out the garbage, scrubbing toilet bowls, being up all night with a sick baby, and performing myriad other ' oatmeal" tasks that are not very sexy.
7爱，特别是长久的爱，和我们从好莱坞、电视、或爱情小说中获得的对爱和狂热的性爱的印象完全不同。由于这些印象的缘故，许多人对爱有各种各样的误解，这些误解常常会导致不现实的期望、固定模式或幻觉破灭。事实上，“真”爱更接近于一位作家(约翰逊，1995)所称的“搅燕麦粥之爱”。这种爱既不令人激动也不能令人兴奋，但是它却是实实在在的，不浪漫的。它是付账单，倒垃圾，刷马桶，孩子生病时守夜，以及完成其他各种各样不那么性感的“搅燕麦粥”的任务。
8 Some partners take turns stirring the oatmeal. Other people seek relationships that offer
candlelit gourmet meals in a romantic setting. Whether we decide to enter a serious relationship or not, what type of love brings people together?
8有些伴侣们轮流来“搅燕麦粥”，其他人则寻求一种能带来浪漫的烛光美餐的恋爱关系。不管我们是否决定建立认真的恋爱关系，是什么样的爱让我们走到一起?
9 What attracts individuals to each other in the first place? Many people believe that "there's one person out there that one is meant for" and that destiny will bring them together. Such beliefs are romantic but unrealistic. Empirical studies show that cultural norms and values, not fate, bring people together We will never meet millions of potential lovers because they are "filtered out" by formal or informal rules on partner
eligibility due ton factors such as age, race, distance, Social class, religion, sexual
orientation, health, or physical appearance.
9一开始让人相互吸引的是什么?许多人相信“世上有一个人是你为之而生的”，而且命运会将你俩带到一起。这样的想法很浪漫却不现实。实证研究发现，是文化标准和价值观而非命运，将人们连系在一起。我们错过了成千上万的可能的爱人，因为他们早就被正式的或非正式的挑选理想爱人的准则筛选出局，这些准则包括年龄、种族、地域、社会阶层、宗教、性倾向、健康状况或外表。
