loading武松打虎
Part One: drinking wine! Action!
武松：Hello! I am Wu Song. The most handsome, the most famous, the most clever man in Liang Shan. I am going home to kill my sister in law Pan jinlian! She poisoned my brother. I told my brother Pan jinlian was dangerous. But My brother still married her. (叹气，唉….跟音乐一起唱且跳舞)Dangerous, dangerous! （加进舞蹈）The girl is dangerous.
潘金莲：You just mistake me. I am the most beautiful and pretty women in the street!(pretty women音乐响起）,your brother is gone. I will go back to my hometown to spend my life. Good night, ladies and gentlemen!(潘金莲退场）
武松(见到酒店一家)：A restaurant! Good. I am hungry. (进屋坐下)Waiter! Wine! Wine! The best wine! 小二：Hi, sir. Sit down please. Would you like XO, Er Guo Tou, Mao Tai, or Qing Dao beer? 武松：（晕晕乎乎地）How much is the XO? 小二：1880 ( 展示大瓶酒，醒目的标价)。
武松：Open…Open…..(喷嚏)（小二将酒瓶起开） 武松：（面怒，片刻无语）Open the window please！Not the wine. I want some er guo tou! It’s strong enough. 小二：You….You…..(敢怒不敢言, 转身倒碗二锅头)，Ok. Here you are. 武松：Anything to eat?
小二：Would you like sandwiches, hamburgers, bread, or pizza? 武松：Ten pizzas, please. 小二: Here you are!
武松：(喝一口酒）Good wine, very good wine! （小二上了两碗酒武松喝了，却是不再倒了）
武松：I want more wine. Why not serve me?服务员！怎么不倒酒了？
小二：Sir, More pizzas OK, more wine no way! 客官，要比萨饼就给您，这酒就不添了。
武松：(生气) Why? I have money! (扔钱倒桌上) 掌柜：Look! (指着 “三碗不过冈”牌子)。This wine is very strong. One bowl, comfortable. Two bowls, can’t walk. Three bowls, drunk and fall!，(叫店小二示范) 喝一碗神清气爽，喝两碗保你浑身无力，喝三碗就立刻醉倒，最多喝保证你酒精中毒，命都没有了…… 武松：（喝一口，挤笑）Who am i? Wu Song! Even 18 bowls is nothing for me. Give me wine!(咆哮，敲桌子)
掌柜：But you must call this number first.(掏出手机，出示电话号码， 旁边注明棺材预订)， Then I will serve you more wine. 武松：（勉强同意，做打电话状）Hello!.......
小二：Here is your wine. But your last meal, I think.你的酒来了！慢慢喝，估计是你最后一顿了。（武松冷哼一声。一次次举起大碗，眨眼间十八碗酒就下了肚吃完了，拎着他的棍子就走） 小二：Where are you going, sir？
武松：Jing yang gang去景阳冈后面的阳谷县。
服务员：Oh, my god. You want to die? There is a tiger there. It has eaten 30 People. You’d better not go today. It’s dark.
空虚公主出场：（飘飘然而来，武松和其他人静止状，音乐起）：I am Empty Princess. I always feel empty. Someone said if I can kill the tiger. He will give me a lot of money and give me a supermarket! I want to be a boss!
服务员：Welcome to our restaurant, my princess! But who are they!(指着随从的四个女婢女） 空虚公主：Oh, they are my baby-sisters!（散花） 保姆一：We are Flower 4. I am flower 1
保姆二： I am flower 2 保姆三： I am flower 3
保姆四： I am flower 4， Oh, It’s time to go home. Princess, It’s time to pay us.
空虚公主：Oh, my god. I have no money now. (保姆惊愕）I will pay you after I kill the tiger.
武松：the tiger is mine (醉醺醺地) I’ll kill it! Look ! I am so strong. I am good at Kong Fu!(秀肌肉，舞弄棍子，踢腿。)(随即打晕了空虚公主，保姆们抬走，继而退场）
掌柜：You are drunk. Don’t go.
武松：(生气) Go away! (摇摇晃晃走了) 掌柜：（摇头叹气）oh my ord! God bless you! A men! （上帝保佑，阿门） Part Two : kill the tiger
（武松提着短棍，大着步，径向景阳冈走去摇摇晃晃地走了一段路，有一只老虎跳出来） 武松：Oh！My god! It’s a real mother tiger! ( 跪地求饶) Miss tiger. let me go! My mother is 80 years old. My son is only 2 years old. Please. Please!
老虎：(大笑) I like pork. I like beef. I like chicken. But my favourite is human meat. Ha, ha…. 武松：（做暂停手势）Stop! Let me have a look. Are you a real tiger? 等等， 你是真老虎吗？
老虎：Of course! Come and see. My fur, my teeth, and my tail! 当然啦！来瞧瞧我的虎皮， 虎牙， 还有虎尾巴。
武松：Yes, yes. You are real. Can I take a photo? I will put it on the newspaper. (掏出相机，准备拍摄）
老虎：Newspaper? Super star! Great! Come on! 上报纸？太好了。 来吧, 拍吧！（摆pose） 武松开闪光灯拍照，啪啪。。。！ 老虎：（眼睛被闪花了。东摸洗摸。）Oh, no. I can’t see now! Oh, no!
武松：(举起棍子就打) I will kill you and sell you for lots of money!（棍子打到虎背上断成两截） 老虎：You cheat me ! I will eat you! ( 东扑西扑)你骗我，我要吃了你！ 武松：（用绳子把棍子连接起来）ha, ha. Shuang Jiegun! (舞动起来，音乐《双截棍》) 老虎：Eat you! Eat you! Eat you!.......（扑，扑， 扑。喘粗气）I am tired！
武松一样喘粗气， 提棍子再打。 被老虎一爪子扇掉！ 老虎顺势再扑， 武松情急之下脱掉鞋子向老虎扔去。老虎接住鞋子，一闻,大叫一声（my god！Hong kong foot!）瞬时被臭得晕了过去。武松抓住时机上前一阵狂扁。老虎刚要醒来，武松把另一只鞋子在它脸上一晃。老虎一歪脖子，彻底呜呼！ 武松：Great！it’s dead. I am too tired.( 枕着老虎就睡着了。鼾声阵阵….) 第二天早上，（公鸡啼叫…喔，喔！）一群猎户走过发现武松和老虎。 猎户甲：Oh, he killed the tiger! Our hero!
众猎户：hero! Hero! Hero!......(簇拥武松下山) （突然警笛声响起！）一辆警车停在众人面前。警察下车，一把铐住武松。
警察甲：You killed the tiger? We should protect tigers! Follow us to the police station! 武松：Why? Why? I’m the hero. Let me go! Let me go! …..